Dear Melissa C*****,
You may notice this letter is addressed to you and signed by "you." This is not a letter from your future self. We actually share the same name, you and I. That's right. There are two Melissa C*****'s. Since we live on opposite ends of the country you wouldn't think this would present a problem. We could co-exist, blissfully unaware of the other's existence. We were doing just that until one day when your mother joined Facebook.
You wouldn't think something so innocuous would cause any problems. I guess when your mom looked for your profile she just didn't consider the possibility there might be more than one of you out there and she friend requested the first Melissa C***** that came up. No biggie. I let her know I wasn't actually her daughter and considered the matter closed.
Then a funny thing happened. She got my email address, probably from my Facebook. I guess it's my own fault. Afterall, it's firstname.lastname@example.org so I can see this has caused her great confusion. The first time I let her know of her error. I let another email or two slide before I tried again to let her know I am actually not her daughter and if she intends you to receive any of her emails, then she should apply some attention to the matter promptly. For whatever reason she has completely ignored my protests that I am not in fact the Melissa C***** that she birthed, reared, and apparently wants to maintain contact with.
So the email communication continues. When your mother sends a forward, I'm right there on the disti list with Tom and Dave and Jim and Anne and Robin. I've no idea who these people are. Perhaps they are your cousins or aunts and uncles. Maybe even your siblings. Regardless, now that your kinfolk has gotten my email from your mom's disti list, they too want to be friends on Facebook. They're following me on Twitter. They e-vite me to family gatherings. I have to say, the BBQ sounded fun but unfortunately, I couldn't make it because I am a complete stranger living hundreds of miles away from you.
Sounds like you have a good life. Your family is very close. Well, apparently, except for the whole not having each other's email addresses thing. Hope you clear that up soon. Until then, I'll ignore the forwards and political rants but I do like getting the rare but adorable e-birth announcements. Who was the proud mom of that precious baby girl? Your sister? Your cousin? Either way, congratulations to her.
The Other Melissa C*****