I'm Out of Love with Facebook

Like most people I never seem to have time to do everything in a day that I want to get done. So I try and prioritize which means that updating my Facebook status is at the bottom of the list.  I logged on today for the first time in ages.  I used to waste countless hours playing Bejeweled Blitz and leaving witty one-liners on friends' walls.  I enjoyed the ego-boosts of friend requests.  It was all kind of fun until I friend'ed too many Facebook junkies. You know these people. They are the ones who keep you in a perpetual water balloon and pillow fight. They suggest you become a fan of this-or-that and join obscure causes. They want you on their YoVille crew and they want to be your neighbor in Farmville. They send you hearts and flair and smiles and lattes and hugs and blah-blah-blah.  I feel guilty ignoring these requests but I do it all the time.

Which leads me to a question.  Is there appropriate Facebook etiquette for how many quizzes you have to take?  How many snowballs do you have to throw before you can end the fight?  I wonder what Miss Manners would have to say.

So if you're one of the many whose requests I've ignored, I'm sorry.  I just don't have the time to write a testimonial or accept quiz challenges on 80s movies (which I'm pretty good at, by the way.)  But I'm almost always up for a chat at Starbucks.  I'm powered by caffeine.  And that's a request I'm not likely to ignore.

We All Have One of These Friends

I have a friend who is a Healthy Person. He wants my DH to quit smoking and go to the gym with him. He wants me to drink water and avoid fast food. He is always opening my cupboards and reading the food labels, criticizing the contents. I swiftly come to the defense of my monosodium glutamate but mostly I just ignore him. He is also a Hyper-Intelligent Person and there is really no arguing with the kind of person who does their crossword puzzles in pen. Besides, I understand his point. I just can't figure out why I'm always inviting him over to dinner.

Anyway, this Healthy/Hyper-Intelligent Person is perpetually listening to radio shows or reading somewhere that this-or-that unpronounceable ingredient that's found in everything I like to eat causes cancer or is hormone and mood-altering. Until he told me I wasn't even aware that certain foods could alter your mood. But now he's gone beyond the food contents and is on to the packaging. Apparently, he told me, the plastic used to contain and serve our food is dangerous. I scoffed at this. I wish I had the time to worry about the harmful contaminants lurking in every crack and crevice. Which reminds me, I have a friend who was a micro-biologist. Try going out to dinner with her.

As much as I want to, I just can't get on board with this whole health movement. People are going vegan and I'm going to In 'N Out Burger. I'm doing good if I serve a meatless main course twice a week. I guess I just keep hoping whoever these faceless, diet-dictating doctors are will change their minds. After all, in the 1940s doctors recommended Camel cigarettes. Maybe I'll get lucky and carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, and caffeine will be the secret to eternal youth.

You can't see me but my fingers are crossed.